


Unknowing

by cadkitten



Category: Dir en grey, the GazettE
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anal Sex, Angst, Cousin Incest, Hand Jobs, Incest, M/M, Oral Sex, Power Play, Rough Oral Sex, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-14
Updated: 2014-06-16
Packaged: 2018-02-04 14:48:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1782859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aoi and Die have long held a flame for one another. When it finally comes to fruition so does some information that could mean the end of what has just begun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kurrren](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=kurrren).



> Prompt: Emotional porn and angst fic.  
> Beta Readers: sakura_ame  
> Song[s]: "Negai" by 9GOATS BLACK OUT

Die still couldn't believe he was standing where he was. The evening had never been intended to start out this way, not in the least. He and Aoi had been out on the town for a night of drinks between old friends. There was nothing more in it than that... that was until they both got well into the third round. It was then that they both started in on telling one another things they probably shouldn't have been, talking about their various exploits and the fucked up things they'd done in their sex lives.

By the time they got through the forth glass of beer each, Aoi's trip to the bathroom had turned into the pair of them groping at one another next to the urinals. Not very discreet, admittedly. From there, Die had given up on avoiding the fact that he was, decidedly, not the straight man he liked to play at being, and just gone with it. 

And now, here they were, in Aoi's flat, the dark-haired man spread out on his bed, legs parted to afford Die the best view in the world, utterly devoid of clothing, only a single silver chain sparkling in the low lights of the room. A shiver slipped through Die's body as he finally unzipped his jeans and pushed them and his briefs down, stepping out of them and sliding onto the bed. He was already fully aroused, his cock straining between his legs and his every sense on edge.

Aoi wasn't far behind, his length slowly hardening against his lower abdomen as he watched Die crawl up between his legs. "Hey there, gorgeous."

Die breathed out a laugh, leaning over the other and lightly cupping his cheek, pressing a delicate kiss to his lips. "It's almost uncanny," he breathed out, his lips sliding down over Aoi's jawline, a line that was so familiar it sent nearly painful pangs of arousal through him.

"What is?" The younger man arched up under him, pressing them against one another, hip to hip and starting to rub.

Huffing out a breath, Die nipped lightly at the skin just above the other's Adam's apple. "How much this feels like fucking myself."

The guitarist laughed, his hand coming up to press Die down over the protrusion along his throat, groaning as he licked at it. "Then you'd best do a damn good job."

"Don't you worry yourself," Die returned, "I'm not that drunk just yet."

Aoi's hips surged up again, a small groan of pleasure easing out of him. "Oh, so you admit... ah!" he shivered, "to whiskey dick, then?"

"Hush," came the reply, Die finally retrieving the lubricant from the younger's hand. He squirted some onto his fingertips and then shifted their position so he had one of Aoi's legs up over his shoulder, allowing him access to the other's nether regions. His fingers slid over his entrance, gently teasing as he hunched a bit to kiss along the other's inner thigh, lightly nipping every once in a while.

When it finally became too much for Aoi, the guitarist squirming beneath the redhead, Die relented, easing his fingers within the other's passage. Ever so gently, he began moving them, gazing down at the younger's face as he did it. "Talk to me."

Aoi let out a whimper and then abruptly thrust his hips up, his cock straining away from his body for a moment. "Touch my dick... please."

Grinning, Die slid his other arm around Aoi's leg, reaching down and taking hold of his slightly curved length and starting to help him rub one out. The younger tilted his hips into it, little pleased sounds showering forth as Die continued his slow exploration of the other's rear. By the time he had three fingers inside him, he was jerking Aoi off nearly frantically, the expression on the guitarist's face one he couldn’t ignore. His own cock was desperately hard, twitching between his legs every so often. He wanted inside him, just to fuck him relentlessly into the mattress, but he also knew Aoi would like it better if he came first and then was worked up again as Die took him.

Aoi's thighs began to tremble, his back arching and his head tilting back, exposing his throat entirely. Die moved his leg then, leaning down and licking up the entirety of his throat, swirling his tongue around his Adam's apple as he jerked him off, fingers still exploring his ass. It was when he finally dragged his teeth down over the other's neck that Aoi lost it, his hips jerking harshly a few times before he completely stiffened and his cock began to throb in Die's hand. Drawing back, Die watched as Aoi's cock twitched with each squirt of his release, covering his own belly in thick cum.

Easing him back against the bed, Die pulled his fingers free and reached for the condom he'd set on the edge of the bed earlier, ripping it open and grasping the condom. He pinched the tip and then rolled it down until it was snug against the base of his dick. Adding a bit more lube, he reached up and grabbed a pillow from above Aoi's head, tucking it just under the other's hip and then urging him to roll over, helping him with his legs. Once more getting between his thighs, he reached under him to scrunch up the pillow and pull Aoi's hips up higher. Carefully, he reached down and arranged the other's cock, allowing it to lie against the pillow so it would get some friction off of this as well.

With his lover in position, Die grasped his hips and flexed his dick so it would stay still for his penetration of the other man. Slowly, he eased himself into Aoi's tight hole, moaning as he fully seated himself within him. He gave a few needy humps just from having waited so long to please himself and then calmed once again. He urged Aoi's legs to part just a bit more and then leaned over him, one arm sliding around his waist, the other supporting him on the bed as he began to thrust, unable to hold back the myriad of sounds that poured from him as his cock moved within the other's body.

Die pressed his lips against the other's shoulder blade, finally letting himself start to really go at it, his own body trembling from the exertion of such an act. He'd denied himself for too long, needing the feeling of another man under him, the way the harder lines of a masculine body felt against him, and even the difference between anal with a woman and with a man. Bowing his head, he finally really let into it, biting his lower lip hard and tilting his head back as he started to cum. A small grunt slipped free of his lips as he started to ease himself from the tense state he'd been in. Settling, he gave a few gentle thrusts as he finished and then grasped the base of the condom and pulled out, setting back on his knees and removing the condom.

Intent to help the other, he moved back over him, sliding his hand down under him only for Aoi to catch his hand and turn his head to give him a sheepish look. "I ah... already did."

"Again?" Die studied the other and then gave him a grin when Aoi nodded. "I knew I was good, but damn."

Aoi rolled over, tugging Die down on top of him. "Self-centered jerk, aren't you?"

Die pressed his nose against the other's neck and just smirked against the other's sweaty skin. "Maybe so... but you're the one who kept staring at me all night."

They were quiet for a long while, Aoi finally breaking the silence in a way that made it clear he hadn't been really wanting to. "Die?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think... maybe... this could be a more than once sort of thing?"

Die reached for Aoi's hand, sliding it along the bed, clasped in his own. When he spoke he was full of sincerity and not a bit of teasing. "I believe we can swing that."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: Kraddy Android Porn b/w Steppin Razor

It had been almost a week since Die had seen Aoi and unable to keep himself away any longer, he simply arrived at the guitarist's door late one evening. Knocking on the door, he stepped back and waited on the younger man to open up for him. 

When Aoi finally pulled open the door, he was obviously fresh from the shower, his hair still damp, little rivulets of water sliding over his collarbones and down the planes of his chest. He stepped back and gestured Die in with a knowing little smirk. The instant he had the other inside he closed the door and leaned back on it, watching Die untie his boots. "Just couldn't stay away, could you?"

Die removed the first boot and knelt again to untie the second, his gaze flicking up over the other man for a few seconds. "Have you seen yourself in a mirror today?" With that, he looked back down, long fingers hastily untying the laces of his boot.

Lifting up his arms, Aoi linked his hands behind his head and gazed into the hallway mirror. His jeans rode low on his hips, no underwear beneath them. He was left utterly shirtless from the quick exit of his bedroom to answer the door. Even as he turned to the side, he could see what Die was talking about, almost seeing the other in his own reflection, forcing his body to react in quite the needy manner, a tent starting to form in his pants. "Mmm, it’s not a bad view is it?" he breathed out, sliding his arms so that his hands were gripping his elbows, still raised above his head.

Die stood up, moving to run his hands over the other's sides, pulling him against his own body and leaning down to kiss him. His tongue curled around Aoi's own, a rough groan issuing as their hips met, showing him how this was already affecting the other man. When he pulled back, he grinned at him, hooking his fingers into the other's belt loops as he made his way backwards toward the bedroom. "C'mon, darlin'."

"I like it when you talk to me like that," Aoi returned, a grin on his lips as he eagerly helped Die maneuver his way backwards into his bedroom. Shoving the other down on the bed, he eased himself down on top of him, straddling the redhead's narrow hips. Grinding down, he pushed Die's shirt up. "Take it off for me. Show me everything."

Die wasted no time, leaning up enough to yank his tank top off, tossing it to the floor and then reaching for Aoi's pants, starting to unfasten them as the younger did the same to Die's own jeans. "If you're not planning on riding me, you're a cruel man..." Die intoned quietly, easing the zipper down and then pushing Aoi's pants down enough to reveal his cock, watching it spring forth. Licking his lips, he murmured, "I have this problem when I'm with you... I want everything all at once."

Aoi shimmied around, removing his pants and then simply opening Die's pants and pushing down his briefs. One hand on his cock, he fished around for lube. "You and me both... did you bring a condom I still haven't had a chance..." he trailed off, already pushing the tube of lubricant into Die's hand.

Taking the lube, Die popped the lid. "Left pocket, there's three... I'll leave the others here." He groaned when the other fished them out and then settled as he opened one. Reaching down between Aoi's thighs, Die slid two lubed fingers over the other's tight hole. The way Aoi began moaning, nearly humping his hand had Die on edge in a matter of seconds. "Tell me you want it." His eyes flicked up to watch Aoi's face.

"I want it... I want your fingers up my asshole, you dirty pervert. Now fuck me with them." Aoi smirked down at him. "And then with your nice," he gripped Die's dick, "thick," he began to stroke him, "cock."

Grunting, Die pushed both fingers into the other's body, starting to thrust rather vigorously. The younger man cried out just the way Die liked and he kept it up as Aoi stroked him off. 

Finally, Aoi grabbed Die's wrist and stopped him, panting as he pulled the guitarist's wrist away. "Need your dick now." He slid the condom over Die's length and added some lube before he crawled up over him a bit more, reaching down to steady Die's length. Easing himself over him, he found the right angle and then slid down on Die's cock with a groan. "Oh yeah... feels so good."

Die's hands found Aoi's hips as the other began to move, something about the fact that his own pants were still on firing him up even more. The haste of the other's need for him, the fact that it wasn't just him wanting to fuck, left him narrowly avoiding slamming up into the other with all his might. He breathed out a moan, arching his back as the other bounced on his lap, riding his cock in ways he hadn't had someone do in years. 

The far more narcissistic part of him couldn't help but watch the way Aoi moved, the familiar way his back arched, the strain of his neck as he threw his head back. One hand came up to run from sternum to Adam's apple and then back down again. He repeated the process when it earned him a moan, dragging his nails lightly, finding that it encouraged Aoi to move faster, fuck himself harder on Die's dick. Licking his thumb, he moved to play with one of the other's nipples, feeling it pebble under the pad of his finger. "Make me cum and then I'll suck you until you finish." Die couldn't help himself, with the way the other was reacting, he just wanted to have his lips around the other's shaft, to feel him lose control and force it down his throat. The bitch in him wanted to be gagged until he had tears streaming down his face, but the rest of him mandated he never tell a soul that was what he wanted.

Aoi leaned down over him, rolling his hips as he began to suck on the patch of skin just behind Die's ear, his hips rocking, Die's cock sliding in and out of him at an angle that provided Die with all the pressure of his body involved in each action. Groaning, he sucked harder and then began slamming his hips down, over and over, Die's hands clawing at his sides as he mewled in absolute pleasure.

It didn't take long like that for Die to lose it, his back arching, long neck exposing itself as Aoi nipped at his Adam's apple and then licked over the area. With a few rough jerks of his hips, Die began to cum. Within moments Aoi was off of him, yanking the condom off and jerking Die's cock, watching him as he spurted the rest all over his own abdomen. Falling back against the covers, Aoi reached up to grasp Die's hair, watching the guitarist's reaction as he began to yank him down toward his dick. The reaction was so clearly positive that Aoi forced the issue, basically shoving Die against his lap. "Suck me off."

There wasn't an ounce of hesitation in Die as he simply opened his mouth and accepted the other's cock. Closing his eyes, he began to move, one hand bracing him on the bed, the other fondling Aoi's balls, sometimes slipping back to rub over his taint. His own legs were spread, his cock still partly hard, jutting out beneath him in what had to be a rather lewd display. Every movement on the other's dick brought about slurping sounds and groans.

Aoi reached down again, grabbing a handful of Die's hair and starting to shove him up and down on his dick, not paying any mind to depth or anything else. The harder he was, the more violently he shoved his cock into the redhead's mouth, the more Die moaned. "That's right; you just wanted it so bad didn't you?" He shoved him down hard and held him there, fucking up into his mouth for a few seconds. "Moan like a good little whore if you want it." He'd barely gotten the sentence out before Die was moaning and Aoi held no intention of holding back, fucking into his mouth vigorously a few dozen times and then pulling out to decorate Die's cock-swollen lips with his cum.

Finally, he let him go and eased himself back, gasping for his breath, chuckling as he stared down at Die's cum covered lips and chin. With a grin, he breathed out, "Okay... I give in. This isn't just a few times thing is it?"

Die wiped his hand over his mouth and chin, doing his best to clean up before he responded. Flopping next to Aoi, he gazed up at the ceiling and then shook his head. "It's not. I couldn’t stop thinking about you."

"Yeah... same here. And ah... not just... this." Aoi sounded almost sheepish as he made that confession.

"Then I don't suppose you'd be opposed to me not going home tonight?" Die glanced at him, a small smirk forming on his lips.

"You're welcome whenever..." Aoi was cut off by Die's lips meeting his own for a brief moment. Once the guitarist pulled back, he breathed out, "You're mine now, you know that, right?"

"The one and only," Die returned, their lips meeting again just after. It was as if he couldn't get enough... and he had a feeling he wouldn't be able to for a good time to come.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: "Algo Ha Cambiado" by Porta

It had been over a month since Aoi and Die had been dating one another. They'd gone on nearly a dozen dates and found themselves in one another's beds even more often than that. At times it was only because one or the other desired someone to simply be there in the morning, though that usually led somewhere else, both of them having a healthy libido.

But Die hadn't heard from Aoi in almost a week and he was staring to worry, even his texts going unanswered. Finally, he gave up on any means of digital communication and left the studio, heading straight for Aoi's apartment. He'd just show up and see what was going on. And if he wasn't there, he'd just sit his ass down and wait. There was little point in doing anything else, his Tuesday nights usually spent with Aoi anyway.

Upon arriving, Aoi answered the door on the second knock, looking incredibly like he'd just crawled out from under a hangover from hell and his entire being reflecting that just as well. Die could smell the alcohol not just on his breath but on the air of the entire apartment, and it looked like Aoi was barely holding it together for the moment of answering the door. He gestured Die inside and the guitarist didn't hesitate, coming in and closing the door, quickly ridding himself of his sandals and plodding down the hallway after the other once he'd bolted away.

Pausing in the doorway, Die watched as the other dropped to his knees in front of the toilet. Wincing, he stepped away before the gagging started. He knew this feeling far too well for his own good, but on the plus side for Aoi, he knew how to fix it just as well. He went to the kitchen and grabbed some water and a package of saltines. Moving back to the bathroom, he waited on the other to stop throwing up and handed him the mouthwash from the counter, just a silent presence handing him what was needed until he'd gotten some water and a few crackers into the other's body.

Stepping back, he put the mouthwash away and leaned on the counter. "Intentional or not?"

Aoi winced, sagging back against the wall and staring up at the ceiling. "On purpose," he breathed out. "I... what day is it?"

Die shot him a vaguely shocked look. "Tuesday." Worry flooded him at the fact that it'd been long enough the other had no idea of time.

"Great... I missed recording and an interview then." Aoi raised his palms to his face and pressed hard, sighing as he dropped his hands back to his lap and swallowed against another wave of nausea. "Last I checked... it was Friday."

Die's arms crossed tighter as he regarded the wreck that sat on the floor before him. He knew one thing: when _he_ was regarding someone as a wreck, something they were doing as bad for them, then it was obvious it had gone too far. "Okay." What was done was done, no point in going over that. "Why was it on purpose?"

Aoi stared at him for a few seconds and then looked away. "Got some really bad news."

Sympathy was fast to rush into Die and his features softened in accordance. "Someone sick or...?" he was loathe to say dead if that was the case, but one never knew. People died all the time and it'd be no surprise with their age if someone had.

Aoi shook his head. "Nothing like that." He lifted his hand to press the back of it against his mouth, closing his eyes for a moment. Once the feeling had passed, he took a breath and leaned his head back. "I haven't eaten anything but those crackers since... I don't know when. A while."

Die picked up a few more and held them out. "Go slow." He knew that feeling as well and seeing it all on someone else in such a way was sincerely forcing him to reevaluate what he'd been doing to himself for years now. The thoughts cycled in his head again and again, boiling around in there until he finally put his foot down on it. He needed to clean up his own act if this was what he looked like when he didn't. As someone who cared about the person in front of him, it was painful, and he could only imagine what each and every person in his own life had thought at some point or other, finding him in similar states. 

Aoi nibbled the crackers silently, saying nothing until he was done with them. When he spoke again, it caused Die's head to jerk up and his eyes to widen. "We're cousins."

"What? What the hell do you mean?" Denial struck Die hard in those moments, the idea of there being any truth in what the other said forcing his own nausea on him. His lips pressed into a thin line when Aoi didn't respond. "Fucking around like that isn't funny-" he started, only for Aoi to whip his head around and glower at him.

"Fuck you. I'm not lying. Why the hell do you think I'm drinking myself stupid? I found out on Friday." The pitch of the other's voice rose as he spoke, leaving Die staring at him in shock.

"Well... where did you get your information? They have to be wrong."

"My mother." Aoi looked back down at his hands, which were now shaking. "She's the sister your mother disowned years ago. Long before either of us were even thought of, much less born." Closing his eyes, he banged his head back against the wall lightly. "They don't talk and they avoid one another. But I... I went to tell her I finally had a steady boyfriend and someone I could claim I cared about and she was happy until she asked who you were... and... and she knows your real name, Die." He stared up at him. "She stared at your picture for all of two seconds before saying it."

Die's mouth felt dry, his throat threatening to close up on him as he listened to Aoi's little story. "No... no way." He pulled his phone out and dialed his mother's number, pressing his phone to his ear. When his mom answered, he didn't even bother to explain himself. "What's your sister's kid's names? The boys." He recalled seeing one picture of him as a very young child, a single card that had been exchanged during New Year's all of one time in his entire home life. There had been a man, a woman, a boy and girl about the same age and a younger boy in the photo."

The moment the response came, Die just hung up the phone, frowning softly. "Yuu... she fucking said Yuu." He looked up at Aoi, a terrified look on his face. "You're... oh god." Sliding down the cabinets, he pulled his knees up and rested his arms on them, shaking his head. "Fuck."

"That's one word for it," Aoi returned, finally stopping banging his head. "I care about one person in all these years and it just has to be my own damn cousin."

Die reached to pinch the bridge of his nose for a few seconds, his thoughts flying through his mind at a million miles an hour. Finally, he just shook his head. "You know what? It doesn't matter. It's... not unheard of. And the big problem is producing offspring that are like... malformed, right? So we can't do that. We're two dudes. Just, if it goes that far, we have no adopted kids and we never tell the world that we're related. Like four people will ever know, right?"

Aoi stared at him, confusion written on his face. "What? But... we're _related_ , Die. We can't do this. Plain and simple, we can't."

"Why not? Give me a good reason that has nothing to do with societal perception."

Aoi was silent for a few seconds and then breathed out, "Because I'm not okay with it. Maybe... maybe you can be. But I've just lost three days of my life in a stupor over this shit. I'm _not_ okay with it."

Sighing, Die gazed across the room and then shook his head. "Okay, I can respect that." He swallowed thickly and then pushed himself up off the floor. "Look... just... I don't regret what happened between us. I'd prefer it if you wouldn't either. No one but us ever has to know. I didn't tell anyone... and you can just play it to your mom like you were joking or something."

"I did," Aoi returned, his voice revealing he was on the edge of tears.

"And ah... I'll keep my distance. It should make it easier if you don't see me all the time."

"Die, I see you everywhere!" Aoi glowered at him for a moment. "You're on every goddamned newspaper and magazine from here to fucking Portugal." He turned his gaze on the floor, stoving up a bit more. "I can't avoid you."

Die shoved his hands into his pockets and stared at the other. "Then man up and deal. I get that you're not okay with what we did, but ending up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning isn’t the fucking answer either. We didn't know and we sure as shit can't change the past. At the risk of sounding callus and rude... get over it." He moved to the door and turned back at the last second, staring at him. "For what it's worth, I cared about you, too, you know. I wouldn't have come tonight if I didn't."

With that, he headed for the door, picking up Aoi's phone from the hallway and carrying it to the charger in the entryway. He plugged it in and watched it start back up after a few seconds. Contented he'd be able to be reached by someone else now, he retrieved his sandals and departed the apartment.

Once he was on the street, he pulled up Kai's number, something he'd never used since he'd gotten it a few years ago, and sent off a text. _Worried about Aoi. He's drank himself stupid since Friday. Plugged in his phone, but it's not me that he wants around right now. Please check on him. - Die_ He shoved his phone into his pocket and after a brief moment of debating heading to a bar, he did himself the biggest favor in the world and instead hailed a cab, giving Kyo's address instead. He'd just told Aoi drinking wasn't the answer and it sure as shit wasn't for him either. And there was only one person he knew who'd stop him. 

**The End**


End file.
